The world has started to realize that humans need a sanctuary space to be free, nurtured, accepted, and cared about without fear of judgment. While women have gathered in this way for thousands of years, men often do not have the same opportunities to create a space like this to gather and be together and the reprocussions of this lack of emotional safety are immense. Men account for approximately 76% of the one million suicide deaths WORLDWIDE (River, J., Flood, M. 2021).
September 9th a group of all men, ranging from 23 to 50 years old began the challenge of a weekly group for 10 weeks.
They created a safe space. A space to allow all emotions to be just that- emotions. Learning about themselves through discussing the struggle of what it is like to have to “hide” emotion. What it is like to walk around day to day as if “nothing is wrong”. Being asked to be more romantic and intimate but then getting called “too sensitive” when they attempt to do so.
After 8 weeks, the men gathered on their typical Thursday evening. Coming into the group room slowly one by one. Each of them nervous, anxious, and “not knowing what to expect”. Why? Their homework from the previous week was to think about EVERYTHING they are ashamed of. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the ugliest. The emotions and thoughts they keep deep down inside of them, stored away in a box with no key. Each getting 20 minutes to purge those toxic, ruminating, haunting thoughts, feelings, mistakes, and for some desires.
That evening, the men came together and finalized their safe space. Moving into the last week, these men truly questioned what they would do without the group. Without the safe space. Though most are using that same space for individual therapy, the important factor here was the other men. The other men who could relate, demonstrate empathy, and who could look at the other and say, “same here”.
The need for this group was clear and obvious. From the moment they walked into the room and completed their first exercise – “If you really knew me you would know ________” they were open, and ready to face the pain they had been storing away. Discovering why they were unable to express themselves, how their life was affected by ignoring or avoiding how they truly felt and learning to accept themselves as they are. Realizing that their journey was not yet over.
These men will continue to meet 1x a month to further explore themselves, hold one another accountable for change, and to know that each month they are going back to their safe space. To be tended to, nurtured. To feel heard.
This Men’s group was transformational for its members and for me as a facilitator. I look forward to the next group! If you are interested in joining a group at Holistic Therapy and Healing please contact: [email protected].
